brooke penis-wrists

i think i must be superhuman. if not then i have the healing powers of a superhuman. i was rearranging my bedroom today, and somehow slit my wrist open...a perfect line that runs parallel to the radial and ulnar arteries...right in the middle of them. so if whatever i inflicted myself with had hit half an inch in either direction, i might have just bled to death all in an effort to make room for an elliptical. but still, i was gushing blood, and kinda pissed because i thought i might have to go get stitches. and now...4 hours later...it looks like i was scratched by a cat. it's like i grew skin to bridge the gaping laceration. it's really bizarre. i keep staring at it in astonishment. but even weirder, it seems as though my wrist was implanted with something long and somewhat cylindrical...like a small bic lighter. and it's hard. you can press it, and it feels like there is something in there. i made me roommate examine it and press on it as well...and he thinks i should donate my body to science.

maybe i didn't open my wrist up on my furniture. maybe the government put a tracking device in my arm. maybe i am going crazy and my arm was amputated 5 years ago, and this is a really long dream in which i am capable of moving furniture and typing with 2 hands and this fake injury is my conscious trying to remind my subconscious that i don't actually have a left arm and i should wake the fuck up. but that's pretty far-fetched. therefore i must just be superhuman. yes...that makes more sense.

now that i am looking at it again, it actually looks kinda like a penis growing on my arm. maybe if it keeps growing i could donate it to that naked wizard guy whose penis was seriously the smallest thing i have ever seen. you probably don't know what the fuck i am talking about, but you should definitely find out because it's scary. actually, after thinking about that poor guy i don't give a fuck what's going on with my arm. and neither should you...but you should watch naked wizard man with the world's smallest penis. poor thing.

OH MY GOD I HAVE A PENIS ON MY ARM THAT PUTS THIS MAN TO SHAME.